5-12 Musing on Motherhood

A few months after Peanut was born, a good friend of the same age who had married and had her first child within days of mine (both the wedding and the baby) asked how work was going. I had been back at work full time for a few weeks. We chatted for a bit and then she asked when I was quitting. I gave some deep response such as "When the time is right." To which she replied, "Well, don't make it too long." I have often thought about her response.

Fifteen months after Pnut was born, I quit work full-time, and came home. I did start teaching at BYU part-time, but compared to a full time job, with three hours of commuting a day on top of it, it seemed as though I was pretty much home. Being a stay-at-home mom was not just different than working full-time, it was and is, a completely different life.

I remember being so incredibly grateful to be present for the rest of my little boy's "firsts". I had missed his first step, his first laugh, too many firsts. Not anymore! But in between the firsts, there were times when I thought, what do I do with him all day?

I have heard some stay-at-home moms say they are so bored. That I can't even imagine! There is so much to do!! I finally started unpacking boxes that I never got to when we moved in... because I was working, and pregnant, and felt as sick as a dog. Even today, eight months later, I have a ton of projects that will still keep me busy for as long as I want!

Now, I have two sweet ones at home. I still teach part-time, but I am only gone a couple days a week for a few hours. I admit, sometimes I love teaching simply because it reminds me that I used to be good at something. Being a mother is not a class I took in college. Housekeeping, cooking, budgeting (yes I went through an MBA program-- but that is not the same thing!), child development, how to associate with mostly women when I was accustomed to working with mostly men . . . there is a definite learning curve to my new life.

But back to my friend's comment. "Don't make it too long." While I was working full-time, I thought I loved my baby and that I was experiencing motherhood. And I was. But not like this. The longer I am at home with the kids, and the more time I spend with them and get to serve them and love them (and get to be present for both of their 'firsts', the more I love it. I really do.

I always planned on being a mother, one day. Some of my friends yearned to be married and have kids. I was excited to find that wonderful companion, and figured kids just came along with the whole idea-right? But I'll tell you, being single longer than most in a Mormon Mecca, I became really good at being single. I knew how to work the parties, how to date, how to make new friends in a new place every few months, and how to be the professional career woman. And all I heard about was how horrible and challenging everyone's kids were and how hard everyone's marriages were. Not exactly great promotion to try it yourself.

But there was something inside me that felt incomplete, missing. Thank goodness God knew what I needed and wanted better than I did-- doesn't He always?

So now I have a wonderful husband, and I love being married to him. And we have two beautiful, sweet, adventurous boys, and I adore being their mother. I am so blessed.

So in response to my friend's comment, she was right on. I didn't know what I was missing. I didn't have a clue. But now I do.